{"id":396,"date":"2021-02-18T19:54:28","date_gmt":"2021-02-18T19:54:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/loveandotherdarkplaces.com\/?p=396"},"modified":"2021-09-30T15:34:14","modified_gmt":"2021-09-30T19:34:14","slug":"sean-katrina","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/loveandotherdarkplaces.com\/?p=396","title":{"rendered":"Sean & Katrina"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"396\" class=\"elementor elementor-396\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-521bfc6 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"521bfc6\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-b0e955e\" data-id=\"b0e955e\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-0bedb2e elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"0bedb2e\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Love isn\u2019t something you do; it\u2019s something that happens to you.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8bde7be elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"8bde7be\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-24b7dea elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"24b7dea\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Suddenly overcome with fatigue, Sean collapsed into a nearby chair. Soon finding himself nodding off however, he got quickly to his feet and began pacing.<\/p><p>There was no time to sleep now.<\/p><p>Instead, in an effort to distract himself, he looked around at the recently renovated sanctuary that the pastor had made such a point of bringing to his attention. Enthusiastically describing it as a restful and reflective place, the existence of which was a testament to the generosity of the church\u2019s parishioners. And Sean was curious to see if the result would in any way help him feel more at peace with what happened.<\/p><p>It didn\u2019t.<\/p><p>The architects had tried to design a place that could be joyous, comforting, or piously solemn as the occasion demanded. And though it was admittedly artfully executed, for Sean it achieved none of those things.<\/p><p>He still felt only a bitter and unrelieved sorrow.<\/p><p>It overwhelmed him the moment he received word of Katrina\u2019s death three days before, and had remained with him ever since.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p><p>Indeed his only consolation was the knowledge that Katrina\u2019s suffering was over. There would be no more quietly anguished visits with her in the hospital. No more repressed shock and silent rage at the sight of her once beautiful, but now cancer-ridden body slowly withering away to nothingness.<\/p><p>But then there was also no Katrina.<\/p><p>Her funeral would begin shortly.<\/p><p>And Sean had no idea how he was going to get through it; let alone where he would find the strength to go on without her.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>Sean and Katrina knew each other all their lives. They attended the same schools and summer camps, knew the same people, and even lived in the same neighborhood. Indeed in many ways their lives were mirror images of each other. Even to the point of knowing what it was like to be raised in a volatile and alcoholic family.<\/p><p>As a result they became not only confidantes, but also the very best of friends.<\/p><p>It was situation that made what happened between them all the more possible.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>They had been moving towards the moment for weeks. And while its arrival increased their sense of nervous anticipation, it did nothing to lessen their resolve.<\/p><p>Sean approached the door, and knocking quietly, waited impatiently for it to open. Katrina had left the porch light on and he felt conspicuous standing under it.<\/p><p>\u201cQuick, come in,\u201d she whispered through the partially open door, which she pushed shut the moment he was inside.<\/p><p>\u201cI thought you were gonna turn the light off before I got here,\u201d he said in a low voice.<\/p><p>\u201cI guess I was so busy trying to get the kids to sleep I forgot.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cAre they asleep now?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cWhat about Mr. and Mrs. Harris?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cThey won\u2019t be back \u2018till eleven.\u201d<\/p><p>Sean and Katrina exchanged a look that was a question, as each sought the other\u2019s approval to go on.<\/p><p>\u201cWhere should we go?\u201d he asked nervously.<\/p><p>\u201cThe guest room is best.\u201d<\/p><p>Quietly they crept down the hall to the guest room, and locking the door behind them, turned on a small lamp, whose thin light barely penetrated the darkness.<\/p><p>For a few moments neither spoke nor even moved.<\/p><p>At last overcoming their shyness, both sat down on the bed. Hesitantly, they then exchanged a few tentative kisses, until at last Sean found the courage to touch one of Katrina\u2019s breasts through her blouse.<\/p><p>She sighed.<\/p><p>They kissed again.<\/p><p>Nothing existed beyond them.<\/p><p>\u201cShould we get into bed?\u201d he asked, his voice almost shaking.<\/p><p>Sean froze as a look of what he thought was hesitation swept across her face.<\/p><p>Then, wordlessly, she rose to her feet, and demurely turning her back to him, began taking off her clothes as he did the same.<\/p><p>It was the first time that either of them had ever been naked with anyone. And yet in spite of what they intended to do, neither could avoid feeling awkward.<\/p><p>As soon as they were undressed, both got quickly under the covers, where for a time they laid next to each other, as if unsure of what to do next. At last, after what seemed to both like an eternity, they turned to face each other.<\/p><p>Again and again their lips met until finally Sean eased his legs between hers.<\/p><p>Katrina groaned softly.<\/p><p>She could feel Sean pushing himself against her. And yet in spite of her discomfort, she seconded his efforts until at last he was inside her.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>In spite what they\u2019d done, and how they felt about each other however, the relationship they began that night remained a carefully guarded secret, even though it continued all the way through high school.<\/p><p>After graduation, they went to different colleges, where they lived separate lives, and eventually began new relationships.<\/p><p>Nevertheless, even after they\u2019d married other people, and began families of their own, their love persisted. And so, despite the obstacles that their lives placed between them, they still found time to meet and renew their love whenever circumstances gave them the opportunity to do so without risk to themselves or harm to others.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>\u201cI like this room,\u201d Sean said, as he put his bag down.<\/p><p>\u201cI knew you would. There\u2019s also a hot tub on the deck, a pool, spa, hiking trails and horses. This place has everything.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cHow long have you been here?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cA couple of hours.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cWhere do they think you are this time?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cWe agreed never to talk about that.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cSo we did,\u201d he conceded, taking her in his arms.<\/p><p>\u201cIt was a long time getting here,\u201d she sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. \u201cWould you like to take a shower, or maybe go for a swim before dinner?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cI\u2019d rather take a nap.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cA nap?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cIt\u2019s been too long since I\u2019ve felt you next to me.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cIt always is,\u201d she replied softly.<\/p><p>Lost in the joy he felt at holding her again, Sean failed to notice the disquiet in Katrina\u2019s voice.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>\u201cWhat\u2019s the matter?\u201d he asked as he propped himself up against the pillows.<\/p><p>\u201cWho said anything\u2019s the matter?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cAfter all these years I can tell when something\u2019s bothering you.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cI want to talk,\u201d she admitted, pulling the sheet up over her breasts and holding it in place with her folded arms.<\/p><p>Sean waited for to her speak, even though he felt certain of what she was going to say.<\/p><p>\u201cDo you ever feel guilty about what we\u2019re doing?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cYes and no. But mostly no.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cI love my family,\u201d she said, as though feeling the need to say it aloud.<\/p><p>\u201cI know you do. I love mine too.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cThen how do you do it? How do you lie to them?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cI think of you.\u201d<\/p><p>This was not the first time they’d had this conversation. And the fact that she periodically made him repeat it both annoyed and saddened him.<\/p><p>\u201cWhy do we love each other?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cBecause we have no choice.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cBut this way?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cLove isn\u2019t something you do\u2026\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cI know,\u201d she said resignedly.<\/p><p>He waited to see if she would go on.<\/p><p>\u201cSean?\u201d she said at last.<\/p><p>\u201cYes.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cAre we bad people?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cThen why do I feel like we are?\u201d<\/p><p>It was a question for which he still had no easy answer.<\/p><p>\u201cAll I know for sure, is that it really is better to love well than wisely. Besides, I couldn\u2019t stop loving you if I tried.\u201d<\/p><p>She made no reply.<\/p><p>\u201cWe have only two choices Katrina. Either we continue as we always have, or we don\u2019t.\u201d<\/p><p>Katrina turned away and wept quietly into her pillow.<\/p><p>\u201cAre you prepared for that?\u201d<\/p><p>She shook her head.<\/p><p>Sean cuddled up behind her, and taking her in his arms, comforted both her, and himself.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>\u201cMust see you IMMEDIATELY,\u201d the text read. \u201c2:30 at Collins.\u201d<\/p><p>In all the years they\u2019d been together Katrina had never sent him so dire sounding a message before. And though he tried hard not to jump to conclusions, he could not escape the feeling that somehow they’d been discovered.<\/p><p>Sean left his car in the lot outside Collins Park and walked quickly down an unpaved path towards the duck pond. It was their place.<\/p><p>He saw her first. She was sitting on the bench near the water, nervously fidgeting with the rings on her left hand as she gazed across the pond at something on the other side.<\/p><p>\u201cWhat is it?\u201d he asked with a quiet urgency as he sat down next to her.<\/p><p>\u201cI\u2019m pregnant,\u201d she whispered, even though they were alone.<\/p><p>\u201cI thought you and Eric had decided against more children.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cNo. You don\u2019t understand. It\u2019s ours.\u201d<\/p><p>Sean felt the color drain from his face.<\/p><p>\u201cBut how could that be? We always\u2026\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cNothing\u2019s perfect.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cOh my God,\u201d he muttered, his mind churning.<\/p><p>\u201cWhat\u2019ll we do?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cAre you sure? Have you been to a doctor?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cYes I\u2019m sure, and no I haven\u2019t.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cYou have to see one right away.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cI can\u2019t go to my regular doctor.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cI know. We\u2019ll have to find another one.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cWhat if\u2026?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cWe\u2019ll tell him only what we need to.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cI\u2019ll still have to tell Eric.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cFirst of all, we\u2019ve got to find out what we\u2019re dealing with,\u201d Sean replied, unwilling to give up on the hope that she might be wrong. \u201cAnd as far as Eric is concerned, if it comes to it, you\u2019ll just have to tell him the same thing you just told me.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cYou mean that it\u2019s his?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cThat\u2019s exactly what I mean.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cI don\u2019t think I can.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cWould you rather have an abortion?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cI can\u2019t do that either,\u201d she said, clasping the crucifix around her neck. \u201cI can\u2019t cover up one wrong with another.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cThen the only alternative would be to tell him he\u2019s not the father; after which you\u2019d have to tell him who is.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cOh God not that,\u201d she said, averting her eyes in horror. \u201cI couldn\u2019t. I just couldn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cThink Katrina. If this is true, and it isn’t handled in the right way, it would be ruinous for everyone,\u201d he replied, as one does who\u2019s gazing towards a desperate future. \u201cUs, our families, everyone.\u201d<\/p><p>Just then an old man with a little dog on a leash walked by, and noticing Katrina\u2019s distress, paused to stare at her.<\/p><p>And though the look he gave her was undoubtedly one of curiosity, to Katrina it felt as though somehow he knew what they\u2019d done.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>Two days later, Sean drove Katrina to the offices of an obstetrician in a nearby town that his lawyer had told him was accustomed to dealing with delicate situations.<\/p><p>\u201cWell?\u201d Sean asked through a forced calm as Dr. Greenwood settled himself behind his desk.<\/p><p>\u201cAs I\u2019ve already told your wife Mr. Peters she is indeed pregnant,\u201d he replied, employing the alias that Sean had used when making the appointment.<\/p><p>\u201cHow long?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cAbout seven or eight weeks. And so far, everything seems quite normal.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cThat\u2019s a relief,\u201d he said, taking Katrina\u2019s hand.<\/p><p>\u201cHowever there is something I want to talk to you about.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cYes?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cI handle many cases,\u201d the doctor began slowly. \u201cAnd while medically speaking, most are fairly routine. On a personal level they\u2019re all different\u2026 some even unique. But because I regard myself as a doctor, and not a counselor or moralist, I only comment on my patient\u2019s private lives when I feel I must. And this is one of those occasions.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cWhat do mean?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cYour ‘wife’ told me the truth\u2026Mr. Peters.\u201d<\/p><p>Sean looked at Katrina in disbelief.<\/p><p>\u201cYes, I told him,\u201d she conceded with a quiet firmness.<\/p><p>\u201cWhy?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cBecause he needed to know.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cNo, he didn\u2019t. That wasn\u2019t part of the plan. The plan was to find out whether or not you are pregnant, and then, if you are, to go to your regular doctor, who, by the way, you said you didn\u2019t want to see first because no matter which way it goes you want to keep the baby. You\u2019re never gonna see him again,\u201d he said, nodding towards Dr. Greenwood. \u201cSo why tell him?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cHe needed to know because I need to know. I guess more than you.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cThat again?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cYes that.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cWe looked it up.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cYes we did, on-line.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cWell?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cI want to hear it from him.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cWhy are you doing this to yourself?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cYou\u2019re not worried?\u201d<\/p><p>At first he couldn\u2019t answer.<\/p><p>\u201cI didn\u2019t want anyone but us to know.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cHe won\u2019t say anything.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cApparently he will, at least to us, won\u2019t you doctor?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cHonestly, after listening to you, I don\u2019t think I need to say as much as I was afraid I might. Obviously you\u2019ve already thought a great deal about what\u2019s happened. And since there\u2019s no way I could, or should, try to change the way you live your lives; as long as you understand the medical ramifications, I\u2019ve done my job.\u201d<\/p><p>The doctor then spent the next half hour explaining the possible consequences of the situation and the likelihood of each.<\/p><p>And though they ranged from minor to dire, they did not shake either their love for each other \u2013 or for their child yet to be.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>The following week, Katrina went to her regular doctor, and pretended to be surprised when he told her she was pregnant.<\/p><p>She then went home and told her husband, who, although surprised that it had happened in spite of the precautions they took, nevertheless embraced the news and immediately began making plans to welcome the new arrival.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>A little over four months later, Sean received another urgent text from Katrina, informing him that she was a patient at St. Luke\u2019s hospital.<\/p><p>He wasted no time in getting there.<\/p><p>\u201cAre you all right?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cThat\u2019s what they tell me.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cWhen did it happen?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cLast night.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cI wish you\u2019d called me right away.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cThere was nothing you could\u2019ve done. Besides, it would only have aroused suspicion.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cSo when are you getting out of here?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cTomorrow.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cHow\u2019s Eric taking it?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cAs well as can be expected.\u201d<\/p><p>Sean took Katrina\u2019s hand in his.<\/p><p>\u201cDo you think\u2026?\u201d she began, her eyes heavy with nascent tears.<\/p><p>\u201cDo I think what?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cThat it might be better that it happened this way?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cWe\u2019ll never know,\u201d he whispered. \u201cAll I know for sure is that it\u2019s not what I wanted.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cMaybe it is better,\u201d she said distantly. \u201cThere are so many secrets as it is\u201d<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>The funeral was a small, private and tragic affair, to which only family and a few close friends were invited.<\/p><p>The headstone had been installed the day before.<\/p><p>It was only then Sean learned that Katrina and Eric had named the child Kaitlin.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>For the next few months Sean and Katrina saw little of each other, and spoke even less. Because when they did, neither could look, nor even listen, to the other without feeling once again as they had the day they learned their unborn child was dead.<\/p><p>But neither could they long deny each other. And so soon they began to meet again as they\u2019d always done: to live the love, without which their lives were immeasurably poorer.<\/p><p>And if their love was tempered now by what happened; it was also stronger because it endured.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>The sound of the door opening shook Sean from his reverie.<\/p><p>\u201cHey daddy,\u201d Robert shouted as he caught sight of his father.<\/p><p>\u201cBobby be quiet,\u201d Sean\u2019s wife admonished their son as she followed him through the door, towing the younger boy behind her.<\/p><p>\u201cHi honey. The kids giving you trouble?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cNo more than usual,\u201d she sighed.<\/p><p>\u201cBoys,\u201d Sean said reproachfully. \u201cDo you remember what I told you?\u201d<\/p><p>Both nodded obediently.<\/p><p>\u201cI meant it. I need you to be behave, do you understand?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cYes Dad,\u201d they replied in unison.<\/p><p>\u201cOk then,\u201d he added with a wink. \u201cNow go over there and sit down.\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cHave you been here long?\u201d she asked.<\/p><p>\u201cNot long,\u201d he responded wearily. \u201cWhere are Eric and the kids?\u201d<\/p><p>\u201cThey should be right behind us,\u201d she said, as she tried to check her hair in the glass of a picture hanging on the wall. \u201cThey were parking just as we came in.\u201d<\/p><p>The next moment Katrina\u2019s husband, closely followed by his three now motherless children, entered the room.<\/p><p>\u201cEric,\u201d Sean said solicitously as they hugged each other.<\/p><p>\u201cSean,\u201d he replied solemnly, the look of loss etched clearly on his face. \u201cIt\u2019s good to see you. And Rachel,\u201d he added as he gave Sean\u2019s wife a hug. \u201cI can\u2019t tell you how much it means to me that we\u2019re all here together.\u201d<\/p><p>Just then Father Kennedy arrived, and after once more expressing his condolences, led everyone in a group prayer. A moment later the pastor returned and informed them that it was time to begin.<\/p><p>Forming themselves into a small precession, they then walked down the hall that connected the sanctuary to the church; where they took their seats in the pews reserved for family members, while Father Kennedy took his place in the pulpit.<\/p><p>\u201cWe are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Katrina Ann Phillips\u2026\u201d<\/p><p>At the mention of Katrina\u2019s name Sean withdrew into himself.<\/p><p>And as he did so, he found a profound solace in the knowledge that out of everyone there, only he truly knew Katrina in her entirety.<\/p><p>Suddenly Sean felt the urge to leap to his feet and tell everyone the truth. He and Katrina cared for each other as few people ever did. And there was a part of him that wanted everyone to know it.<\/p><p>But he couldn\u2019t. Such an admission would affect too many lives.<\/p><p>And so there was no choice but for him to take the knowledge of it with him to his own grave.<\/p><p>Nevertheless, it was a burden he was grateful to bear: because between them they shared a love so deep it transcended everything else in both their lives.<\/p><p>And he would keep the memory of it, and her, with him always.<\/p><p>\u00a0<\/p><p>Unbeknownst and unsuspected by Sean however, not everyone at the service was entirely unhappy Katrina was gone.<\/p><p>As any compassionate person would be, Rachel was sorry Katrina had died, leaving her husband without a wife, and her children without a mother.<\/p><p>Her pity notwithstanding however, there was another part of her that felt a furtive sense of relief at Katrina\u2019s passing.<\/p><p>For the truth of the matter was, she\u2019d always thought it somewhat unnatural for a brother and sister to be so\u00a0<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Love isn\u2019t something you do; it\u2019s something that happens to you. Suddenly overcome with fatigue, Sean collapsed into a nearby chair. Soon finding himself nodding off however, he got quickly to his feet and began pacing. There was no time to sleep now. Instead, in an effort to distract himself, he looked around at the 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